Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
