bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
