come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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