Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
