can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
