we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need to stop coming to work sober
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
