Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
