The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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