Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
