sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
