found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize