did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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