I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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