I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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