Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize