My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize