is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
