i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
