You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
