I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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