clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
