even my farts smell like vagina
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
