Kiss
Puke
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
