my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
