I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
