I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
