pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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