I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize