Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
