Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
