Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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