i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
