dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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