who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
