Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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