i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
