remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
