i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
