Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize