OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
