all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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