you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
