And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
