Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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