I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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