Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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