its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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