i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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