I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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