I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
