Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
