I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
