I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
