Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
