You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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