Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
