I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
