Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
