Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
