Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is wine microwaveable?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
