I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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