so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
