im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
