Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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