I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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