im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
