can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
