Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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