Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
