i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize