So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
