I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
