She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need moral support for this bender
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
