So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
