Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
