i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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