I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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