So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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