im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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