Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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