I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
