He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
