Buhtt sex?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
