Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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