literally had 100 drinks last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
