These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
