she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
