i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
