If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We got so high we made milksteak
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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